Everything you need to know to become Lord Sugar’s next protégé
Now that the ninth series of The Apprentice is upon us, it’s starting to become apparent that all of these bossy, relentlessly self-positive entrepreneurs have a few things in common. Perhaps it’s the way the BBC mess with the colour contrast to make their eyes look horrifyingly blue, or perhaps it’s the fact that they all love themselves to the point of distraction. Either way, we’ve taken a look at the eight apprentice winners so far to see what we need to be like to win The Apprentice.
#5: Be from London
Being from the South might do for this one, as 7/8 winners of the show are from Southern England. All are from England, so if you’re Scottish, Irish or Welsh you can probably forget it. One winner, series two’s Michelle Dewberry, dared to be from Hull, but quickly moved to London when she realised her mistake. Being a Cockney through and through himself, Lord Sugar clearly feels more comfortable working with people whose accents he can actually understand.
#4: Be willing to change your career path
Only two winners still work in the same area of business as they did before they entered The Apprentice. These are the most recent winners, the unfortunately named Ricky Martin and beloved inventor Tom Pellereau. All other candidates now work in roles that contrast highly with their previous experience, one such example being Yasmina Siadatan, who used to be a restaurateur but now runs a start-up business with James Caan. The trend seems to be that, unless you’re lucky enough to have something that the Lord of Sugar wants, you must be prepared to do something entirely different to what your experience shows you are good at. Even if that means giving up freelance Professional Wrestling, as poor Ricky had to.
#3: Play the social media game
This might be a bit of a no-brainer, but winners of The Apprentice almost always have over a thousand Twitter followers. The only exception to this rule has been Yasmina, who only starting tweeting in May 2013 and has 207 followers. The winner with the most followers, no prizes for guessing, is Tom, who has 105,057. What is surprising is that Stella English, who was recently involved in a high-profile lawsuit with the Lord himself, only has 1,929 followers. It can only be assumed that her followers got so bored with the insignificance of the case that they couldn’t take it anymore and simply had to ‘unfollow’. As Tom might be said to be the most successful winner and Stella the least successful, it could be that an inability to hold onto your Twitter followers indicates and inability to hold onto your title. And by title, of course, we mean ‘overpaid lackey’. Nice one, Stella.
#2: Look the part
This one starts off as simple as it appears. If you’re a man, wear suits. All of the winners wore very pricey-looking suits, with ties that weren’t boring but weren’t likely to get them confused with a Lib Dem MP or, similarly, a clown. If you’re a woman, wear dresses that are smart but could be construed as sexy if photographed correctly. High heels are a must, but don’t worry too much about hair colour, unless it’s red. Appearance gets a bit more complex when you see that only one winner, Tim Campbell, does not have a full head of hair. So if you’re balding, think about getting some of that spray-on hair. This brings us to the issue of age, which might be a bit more difficult to manipulate. All winners of The Apprentice have been between the ages of 26 and 31, giving a six year window to any Lord Sugar wannabees. The only consolation for anyone falling outside of this bracket is that the youngest candidate on the show was actually only 20 years old and the eldest was 39. So the game might not be over yet if you fall outside of the golden six year bracket.
#1: Disconnect mouth from brain
Perhaps the most vital characteristic of all winners of the show is their ability to say ridiculous things at inopportune moments. Despite being completely assured that they are the best brains in the business, they have an uncanny knack for sounding like utter simpletons. One of the most adept at this is last year’s winner Ricky Martin, who came up with gems such as “I’m like a shark, right at the top of the food chain” and “By day I’m a business superstar. By night, I’m a professional wrestler”. Whilst the latter of these was obviously, and quite worryingly, true, we can’t clarify the former. Other strange insights came from Tim Campbell, who observed that “You have to earn your stripes here. So far, I’ve got half a stripe”, and Tom Pellereau, who innocently asked “where might we find a 10-inch bell in central London?”.
Posted by Rosie Tallant on 15th May, 2013